You are viewing mjaytona

quistislock (MJ)
04 May 2014 @ 09:10 pm
Okay. To put it bluntly, I hate my OJT. I mean, sure, the people there are nice and all, but I can't help thinking that I'll eventually mess things up there and it's scary as hell. I don't want to be the first and only screw-up in that place and I'm scared of not living up to their expectations. I know I should work for me and that I probably shouldn't think much about other people's thoughts but I can't help it. Also, I'm scared of their head supervisor. What if he decides that I'm not cut out for anything, that I'm too immature. I'm scared of all these. I'm so scared that I can't bring myself to sleep. Because then, tomorrow will come and I will have to go to work and act like I love it in there when honestly, i hate it and they scare me. maybe it's the anxiety kicking in. i'm not like any other students who can cope up with these quickly. i don't just feel anxious, decide i need to go do my best, pressure myself to not make mistakes and then succeed. i'm not like the others. Sure, i have good grades and all but they're just grades. can you honestly tell me that a mere number can reflect my whole capability? i just... i don't know. i've been trying to do these pep talks in my head to prep me up and all, but the more i think, the more i tend to get anxious and scared. i don't want to feel like this anymore. i don't want to make mistakes. i'm scared of making mistakes and letting people down. i know mistakes are part of life but i don't know how to shake this kind of thinking. i don't know how to make fears go away. i know i have to face them alone. anxiety just keeps on creeping in and i get the feeling that at any moment now, i'd fold. i'm scared to fold and i'm scared to keep going too. i'm scared of everything that has to do with facing the real world. it's like living in a nightmare for 200 hours and more until it eats you up.
i want to talk to someone about this. i NEED to talk to someone about this. but i'm all i've got for now. i'm alone and no one can be there for me just in time. i need to be strong and to stay strong, but i'm just so scared...
Current Mood: scaredscared
quistislock (MJ)
02 April 2014 @ 12:55 am
The episode that concluded Ted's search for the mother in HIMYM has finally come to an end. I just watched the finale and it was only an okay for me. Somehow, I got the feeling that they were going to do that from the moment it was rumored that the mother was already dead. I mean, it's okay to kill off the mother, but to have Ted end up with Robin (again) after the mother died (6 years ago) is plain stupidity. They should know (as writers) where their story is heading to from the way it was developed, even though everything wasn't exactly as planned. They should feel what the audience feels and that to them, the perfect ending to this 9-year fairytale (Yes. FAIRYTALE. It wasn't supposed to be one but it developed like that anyway) is also a semi-disney-feel, and-they-lived-happily-ever-after ending. As the title of the finale "Last Forever" suggests, their love should last forever even after Tracy McConnell died. And not "6 years have past. go off and hook up with Robin again"--ever after. They're good writers, nonetheless (for having thought of circling to where it all began for Ted and Robin). It's just that... the dream died right there when the daughter said "It's been 6 years since mom died. Call Aunt Robin and date her!" Right there, when Ted picked up the phone and chickened out (although as it turned out, Ted just had a great idea that's why he didn't make the call), I seriously hoped he would say "You know what? Maybe you're right. Maybe it's time I moved on. It's just that... you're mom is the only one for me and I for her. No matter what happens, that certain fact will never change. Not then, not ever. Even if... Even if you say it's been years that she's gone and that your Aunt Robin, the girl that I've chased during my late 20s and early 30s, happens to still be single, it wouldn't matter. It wouldn't make me go all the way to New York City, steal the blue french horn for her for the third or maybe fourth time, and stand in front of her apartment building until she sees me from her window, waiting... waiting all these years to be in this moment again, to be back to square one. Just... waiting. Waiting for her to be ready. Because all this time, all these years of waiting, I realized, I was really waiting for your mom. Your mom is the best thing that's ever happened to me. Your mother is and will always be... the one." -----aaaand CUT! Series finale finished. Most legendary episode for the most legendary series ever... DONE!

It's not that I'm against Ted and Robin being together. I personally root for them because I just loved how well established their characters are and how their relationship and feelings (especially Ted) went on (and off) for 9 seasons. It's just that, the way that they ended up together wasn't satisfying at all. Even for me, who secretly almost always ships them because of their chemistry. From the minute that Ted let go of Robin from an episode in season 9 (when super-drunk Barney ran off and Ted was in the beach with Robin and Robin flew away, signaling that Ted already moved on) they should have also let go of twisting the story and trying to pass it up as a Ted-and-Robin-ever-after. That was the last straw. That was the point of no return. And even after that, when Ted wanted Barney to give the significant locket to Robin, they should have never thought of the two as a potential couple again. Because then, they made the mother look like 'just another girl that Ted dated.' It just doesn't feel right. It's like a betrayal from the very title that the series was going for. It's just..... disappointing.

Current Mood: disappointeddisappointed
quistislock (MJ)
04 June 2013 @ 12:52 am
I know. I know. It's super late but I just want to wish squallina belated



And since I'm already here (after two months of not opening my lj account or any other accounts of mine and I don't know when i'll be opening it again...) I would like to take this opportunity to greet squallina (again) and je_anne an advance HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! (so that i won't be late again. lol!)






Love lots!!!! (sorry. got carried away with gifs. :P)

Well, I'm off to finish Devil May Cry 3 again! (for a hundrenth time... kidding! but i forgot how many times I've played it. :P)

p.s. gif not mine. credit to the owner/maker.
quistislock (MJ)
25 March 2013 @ 02:07 pm
March, the time we all know as the month of goodbyes and moving ons. Though I had experienced saying a lot of goodbyes every time this month passes by, having 'graduation goggles' and sympathizing to my grade school and high school friends about how much we will miss each other, I'm ashamed to say that I've never really, genuinely felt sad about it. I admit, it does make me sound like a hypocrite. But now, this March of 2013, I can honestly say that I finally know how much it hurts to say goodbye. It really is a hard thing to do, but it's part of life. Besides, there won't be a new beginning without an ending. And therefore, goodbyes are necessary for us to open a new chapter in our life and move on.

I just realized this when I actually started saying goodbye to the people I grew close with and the things that already became a part of my life. With the ending of the second semester of the second year of our college life comes the realization that we are already moving on to the next chapter of our lives. As I look back on the things I have done this past semester, it made me feel like I've been running non-stop, accomplishing a lot of things and yet, failing in some, staying up late at night stressing about projects and requirements, but still having the time to get a good laugh about everything, be it good or bad. Though I am very much relieved to say goodbye to all the negative stuff, it's still a little hard for me to leave the times when all we did was just laugh at the hardships we kept going through. Somehow, it just became a part of me that I will never forget.

Another thing that I found hard to say goodbye to and feel genuinely sad about its ending is the show Himitsu no Arashi-chan. Though I only knew its existence for a year, watching some of its older episodes and following the current ones made me feel like I've been watching it all my life. I had second thoughts about watching the final episode because the fact that it's already ending was still very surreal for me. However, listening to the member's messages, seeing them return the keys and watching Ohno turn off the lights and close the door of the Sharehouse made me wake up to the reality that one of the first Arashi show I knew and loved was really ending. Seeing its transitions within the span of 5 years being on air, I could honestly say that Himitsu no Arashi-chan is a great show, a show which is hard to say goodbye to. I really felt like crying as I kept watching the ending credits, but somehow, my tears just won't come out. Thank goodness! Because I really don't want to cry before I sleep as it would result in the swelling of my eyes when I wake up in the morning. But there's no doubt in my heart and mind that I will surely miss this show.

 Probably, the 23rd of March 2013 is the saddest day I've ever had this year. It was the day that my first ever Japanese friends went back to Japan. We've only been together for one semester, but after sharing interests and a lot of moments with them, they really grew on me and we became a part of each other's lives. We don't have any classes anymore at the time of their departure, but my friend and I still went to our school just to say our goodbyes to them and see them off. I never planned to shed one tear on that day because I want them to leave with smiles on their faces. But as their service came, I came to them and said, "Mata ne~" I didn't say 'Sayonara' because it would be too sad and it would also mean not seeing them again.

"Mata ne! We'll surely see each other again." I said to them, smiling. Then, all of a sudden, Anna-chan started crying. Panic-stricken, I said, "Wha-- Why are you crying? Please, don't cry." and patted her shoulder.  Before I knew it, tears started falling from my eyes, but I still kept on telling her not to cry. We both cried together and hugged each other. It was funny because we both looked like idiots. But really, what I felt that time was genuine sadness. And seeing their service drove away from us as we waved goodbye to each other, it left an impact in me. It was the reality that I won't be seeing them for a long while. But I promised them that if I ever visit Japan, I will be sure to contact them and visit them at Narra.

I just wish that I could go to Japan as soon as possible...
Current Mood: sadsad
quistislock (MJ)
24 December 2012 @ 07:11 pm
I know it's still hours before Christmas but hey! I might end up forgetting to post a greeting here. Making sure that wouldn't happen, I'm going to post it in advance! ^___^


Current Location: Rainbow Land
Current Mood: cheerfulcheerful
Current Music: Welcome to Our Party - Arashi
quistislock (MJ)
08 December 2012 @ 12:17 am
I have decided to make use of my wild imagination and this is what it resulted to. :P
it's actually my first time doing this so there may be something that may seem a little off. but i'm posting it anyway as a sigh of me taking an opportunity to try something new. there may also be grammar errors as english is not my primary language, but hey! i do try my best. (^_^)

okay, enough of that! here is the chapter 1 of my first fanfic based on a ps2 game, Samurai Warriors. i hope you'll find it interesting. :)

CHAPTER 1Collapse )
Current Location: living room
Current Mood: sleepysleepy
Current Music: :P
quistislock (MJ)
25 September 2012 @ 05:29 am
Just sharing some random old video from YouTube.

When i first watched Dead Fantasy 1, it totally blew my freaking mind! re-watching it now still made me think that it's awesome! Montyum is a real genius for doing this cross-over!
Current Mood: amusedamused
quistislock (MJ)
31 August 2012 @ 11:05 pm
I know that I'm a day late but...

written from the very sands of Subic! \(^o^)/

from a very cute boy, you've become a...Collapse )

Current Location: rainbow land :)
Current Mood: happyhappy
Current Music: MatsuJun's Birthday Song
quistislock (MJ)
22 July 2012 @ 12:59 am
As revealed during the Warner Bros. Comic-Con, Sam and Dean Winchester will be back for more evil spirit/creature-butt-kicking on Supernatural Season 8 which will be aired on October 3, 2012. For some details about season 8, just watch this video.

disclaimer: this video is owned by Warner Bros. i just thought of sharing it here. (^_^)
Current Mood: enthralledenthralled
Current Music: Carry On My Wayward Son - Kansas
quistislock (MJ)
21 July 2012 @ 09:45 pm
well, arashi did it again! just when i thought i was losing it, they come barging in my life and make things better. their songs really inspired me a lot. i just found this song over youtube and it somehow made me a little optimistic. it also made me think about where my life is going...

Current Mood: optimisticoptimistic
Current Music: Life - Arashi